the way to my dream...!!!

when i heard/ saw s.o who got the scholarship frankly i really jealous them because it is what i was dreaming so far dream but i also hate myself why i don't eager to get it. Sometime m think who i am what i am why i so shit like this. currently, is it what i want oh no... just work and home no social, no entertainment, no friend, no everything... I want my life better than this not just office n home.